With that being said, I want to talk a little about a subject that makes everyone cringe and walk away.
SUICIDE... it's a dirty word, I know it is.
Taking your own life is a very serious thing and I have seen more of it in my life than I need. This started for me some 25 years or so ago when a mother of a student took her life. We knew that she was having trouble but couldn't get her the help she needed. It's hard when you are young to imagine any reason to take your own life. Nothing I could see would ever be that bad. I watched as young children were devastated by the news of their mother passing. Kids internalize a lot and I am certain they went through a time when they could easily see some fault in themselves.
Like it or not, people who take their own life are troubled. Sane, healthy, mentally stable people do not take their own life. Being that troubled sometimes goes unnoticed and I know for a fact that as a society we tend to ignore the signs. They will figure it out on their own, they are just in a funk, they are drinking to much and will get better, his doctor gave him some pills, he'll be just fine... there are lots of excuses but they are just no good.
As a new mother, I was given news that a family member had attempted suicide on what should be a happy occasion. Sometimes what we see isn't what they see. She saw everyone being happy but herself, she saw a looming divorce, and she saw something she could never have. I am thankful that she was unsuccessful in her attempt but saddened that she could get to the point where nothing mattered anymore.
My next experience with suicide came as a complete shock to me. It was someone I thought had everything together, was stable, loved, and had a great career. He had everything and was always smiling, lead a youth group at church and was genuinely a happy person. I was so wrong and so were so many other people. Why? We will probably never know. I don't have the answers but I may have a little insight.
I am admitting right now that I have depression, OCD, and anxiety. I will tell anyone who asks about my past because I am not afraid of what they think. I will sit with you and discuss options, medication, help, anything. It does not scare me. I have never attempted to take my own life but I have been at points in my life where I considered it. It was always worse in my head than it was in reality and that seems to be the biggest problem with mental illness. My brain and emotions were at war and I was losing. I remember driving down a nearly deserted Panama Lane when I was about 17 and working through my pain thinking that I could stop it if I hit a pole with my car.
My mind had shut down the logic and I really felt that everyone would be better off without me. It's really silly now to talk about it because there are TONS of people who would have been wrecked to lose me. It's the same for everyone and and that's what makes metal illness so hard to overcome. You can't control the feelings and sometimes even the medication contributes to the problem.
So we have come to the next suicide in my life and from the outside this family looked perfect. They had everything. How on earth did it get this bad? A sweet friend of mine and her sister lost not only their dad, but their mom as well. The heartbreak was evident all around. Could anything have changed if someone had stepped in? I cannot be sure, but I do know that help is out there and we just have to know how to get through to them before it's too late.
It doesn't even escape the people we think are untouchable. Robin Williams had this incredible talent to make everyone laugh but he was holding a time bomb within him. How do you get past your issues if he can't?
The latest in my life is something that I cannot go into detail about. This person was saved before it was too late and will hopefully be getting the help they need. I pray that the help works and that they love a long, happy life.
DO NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! EVER! Give them valid reasons to seek help and above all else, love them. Tell them you will help and mean it. Here are some resources if you or a loved one needs help.
In Kern County 1(800) 991-5272
You can chat online with someone here- I'm Alive@ http://hopeline.com
If you are in trouble and need immediate help, please call 911
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